Nearly 17% were estranged from a member of their immediate family. Why? I was about to turn 40 and here I was watching a grown man turn red in the face, speak horribly to himself for a broken scraper. Female here sick and tired of whiny twats like you. It was like neither of us care that we were damaging our marriage. But god forbid he do anything out of his way for me. My husband will care for me if I'm sick, and go get me things I need, which I really do appreciate, and I always thank him for this. "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. Until you are burnt out, and I finally notice something is wrong. Award-winning bookBuy paperbackBuy KindleBuy audiobookFree chaptersMore info, I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. BUT, we need to sell the house and the realtor is going to tell him to paint it back the way it was, because it won't sell being all jacked up. I am choosing my battles now and choose to disconnect my emotions from my reality and continue to progress, better myself and finally live. Terms. We want to hear your story. Sorry guys, I just had to vent and get it out of my system. How many people have you slept with in your life?? I hope he gets the help he needs! Fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this wasn't a problem for long. You may want to reflect on your needs when you are sick as an adult. Well, this time, I was calm, I got out of the car and changed my mind but he told me to get back in. An the cycle continues. Boy did we cry. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. It was my truck. He was disgusted. He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. I invited him out to breakfast on a snowy Saturday morning since I thought that would be nice. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. Many years ago I had appendicitis. My husband had the worst tantrum in front of a third person. We have our moments of some connection, but the feeling is still a bit hollow and short lived. I bet if I got cancer he'd go "Great! He didn't sleep well last night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc. Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. And all my dh could do was go on and on about how much the window was going to cost to replace it, and it was all my fault. His kids are always going to come before you. If I ever mention his behavior of that day, he gets mad at me and tells me that "I Never let things go and that I am to blame because I can't "forgive" him". My "H" is 100% total Narcissistic! But, he can't get past the victim hood yet. But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick. Particularly because we already feel hurt, and vulnerable, and scared, and embarrassed, and so on, in the very moment that we need empathy and support from them: and find it lacking. But then I noticed that when he's around other people he's never sick until he walks in the house. He didn't. I agree 100%. This is not the life you want. Thats it. I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with. Need help with your relationship? She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. Whichever it is, I wasted most of my life trying to make something work that couldn't. But the AD/HD is so strong, it overrides that. AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally I'm feeling better now! And my lack of ability to insist on my needs put me in a ditch with a broken neck on my moms 60 birthday. I would blame him for screwing up mine. Being Married to Someone Who Doesn't Care. After all, when he is around me he can make me miserable by extension of his bad mood. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. Ziff Davis, LLC BBB Business Review. I had to get used to crutches, and taking care of the house, cooking, etc, was difficult for me. I have an illness. This has been a transformation in more ways than one. I was so ill from stress and he never checked on me. Make him whatever type of soup he wants, bring him medicine, rub his head etc. Like so many of the other posts, writing this post and sharing my feelings is very therapeutic. I am not an illness. Yes, I chose someone who couldn't love,or who chose NOT to love. My ex didn't have ADHD. An epiphany. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Instead he walked around the car, got in the back seat and proceeded to yell at me for the next 15 min about how "he does not have time for this" & "why did I call him(my husband) and not my sister or my niece". But still, if I do get sick and need something, he's there, doing whatever. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. He shows no concern for me - and this has to be narcissistic personality disorder. Please share ~ the relief is amazing! Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:19. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. Partners are supposed to have each others backs, even when it doesnt seem like the best thing to do. The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do with how sickness was dealt with in her family growing up. That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. WebYES, YOU CAN! Lately he finds more reasons than not to leave the house to help someone else anybody else. Its your life not theres. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. To us I should say. (sorry, another vent) .. So,when it comes to love, what to do, and where to go from here. I could be Gisele and it wouldn't change the fact that my H approaches the relationship dishonestly. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. If my husband had a stomach bug that lasted a few days and he didnt go to the doctor I would probably be like your wife too. I start my day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and not trying to change what I can't control. When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. That is not an ADHD trait as far as it is with me? Don't walk around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, "entitlement". You cant expect people to stop. If it's me first? You may do better by asking her 'precisely' what you want from her when u are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary'. Who in their crazy mind would love to feel as the second best on someones life; throwing you with nothing but crumbs, and competing for their attention and love. Lol. OMG. WebMy girlfriend thinks I don't care for her but I do she's been sick for the past two days and I been trying to be nice by doing mostly everything for her I have to walk her to the bathroom give her medicine wash dishes pick up her groceries try to cook even though I'm not that good at it I have to get the bathtub filled for her I try my best to It dramatically affected my relationship for the worse. I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. I jokingly call(ed) her "Florence Nightingale" because even others would notice how completely oblivious she was/is to any illness or discomfort on my part. (Daddy issues?). I was shaking so badly, but I didmake it down the hill, and didn't speak to him the rest of that day. And I'm also feeling better. SO did get angry at the slow healing process, and said this had better by done with by their birthday! I am flaberggasted. We are at retirement age, but will never GET to retire. he gets very angry. So, again, it's about him. Sign #11: Doesnt talk about the future. He played video games.A LOT, and watched a lot of movies, and cook his food in deep fryers which has made the house smell like an old dirty grease pit, with the cupboards, shelves, and countertops, floors, all caked with grease. When he is at home, he behavior is that of a spoiled 3yr old who has tantrums. Thanks, man. yikes!! So I don't ask for anything beyond desperate needs. You cant change something you dont know needs to be fixed. Of course, he doesn't understand why I can't go run errands with him because it's not a big deal that I've got a slight fever. I offered to set it up on his phone but of course he won't relinquish his phone, which is another story, and the primary basis of my divorce request. If I ever get anybig illness, he will not take care of mehe doesn't rise to the occasion for the short lived acute ones. :) Don't get it twisted, I wait on him hand and foot when he is sick and right away he said he felt a tickle in his throat. Submitted by peach on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. WebIm worried about my chest pain. But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. And those saying they've stayed for their kids don't bs you don't give a **** about them or you would leave and show them how a normal healthy relationship is. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. They are more important than you are. I need to see if Iam wrong about this. I told him I am sick but he tells me to get rest and took off to entertain himself. WebMaybe he's the kind of person who doesn't want to be bothered when he's sick. People with ADHD don't have to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just have to learn toset alarms. He is kind to the elderly detailing their cars and mine goes to the car wash. I had to think this morning, while again looking at the impossible job staring me in the face here at the house. So he's taking it easy today and napping on and off. Recallingthe time I told him I was really sick in the morning before swim workout and he told me I had to go anyway? Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22. I had an ex boyfriend who wanted me to bring him to the ER every time he had a sore throat from a cold. Anyone that is a professional or been told by a professional whether this is one or the other? WHYDID YOU ASK ME TO MARRY YOU, and tell me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together? Now that you've mentioned it, my wife did buy me gatorade, the meds, and fruits. Submitted by The Bride (not verified) on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 04:33. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. You are very caring and shower her with affection and loveYou respect her parents and treat them wellYou respect your wife and support her to achieve her dreamsYour presence makes her feel happy (because she loves you so much)She considers you as her soulmateShe feels safe and secure to be with youShe trust you so muchMore items Angry loud voice- "Where do youwant to go!?" This is daunting to say the least. Someone who would listen to MY dreams, and want that for me, as much as I want his dreams and goals for him, and to help each other achieve those, if in our power. His mother died in a plane crash, this would finish him off if I left, etc. H's definition of love is thisafter I asked him "What does love mean to you?" I think the non spouse has to be less of a giver and move to the attitude of-I'm in this life for myself just like you demonstratedaily that are in it for yourself. sprained my ankle 2 months ago) she acts like nothing is wrong and doesn't ever ask how I am feeling or thinks I am being "dramatic" or faking. "We can't afford it", but we can't afford to NOT call in someone. So it's easier when you can say, "ok 20% sucks if I let it but 80% is fabulous". As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. I was still in therapy and my therapist, who is a mutual friend and took me on pro-bono, helped me so much to rebuild my esteem, stop being co-dependent. Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. Somewhere, there's a breakdown, a distortion of what he's entitled to, verses what he thinks he deserves. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. She says take medicine or go to doctor. I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. (Soup after you just threw up is too soon). Im worried and curious what to look for. Like, my sympathy well was pretty shallow when I had 2 sick kids and a sick husband. Nothing. But it only works if it's recent. I really appreciate your insight. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. A therapist can help you evaluate the factors that have led you to this step and then offer advice about how to best proceed. | Don't misunderstand me - I get it. I don't think it's right, but I think it's true. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. It is obvious that ADD people rarely change for any measurable amount of time. The tender, close, intimate kind of love that touches your heart and soul, and makes you feel genuinely connected in a deeper emotionally inter-connected way. Any time I am not at 100% to run the household, restock the coffee, cook meals, put the kids to bed, do the laundry, etc. He is so sick and depressed. Submitted by tiredmomma1 on Fri, 04/07/2017 - 12:12. I grew up in a house where you were basically quarantined when sick. I wish he'd just admit he''s not the handyman he thinks he IS. You never waver. He just gets on his computer. But, He won't spend any TIME with me, or sit and talk to me, like when I've been sick or in the hospital. When my husband started his first affair, I WAS a good woman. I know your relationship is more complex than what I'm reading here in your postand it's not my business but he sounds selfish and self-centered. WebA major medical diagnosis can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need for rest. Does she get sick often?Wondering how sympathy for each other is usually when one of you is sick. There's lots of reasons he may have decided to not come over, and 99% of them aren't the selfish stuff you're thinking of. If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. My wife wants to be left alone, and I mean ALONE. They will always be more important than you. With my dh, he doesn't react well to any kind of situation when his filters are down (and always always at home) -- there was that time when I fell against a window in a freak accident -- breaking my humeris and dislocating my shoulder on the radiator at the same time. Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. I truly don't think he SEES the damage that all of this caused me AND him, mainly because he still doesn't think his ADHD has that much affect on our daily lives. No, that's not normal in a loving marriage. My husband is friendly and nice until I am sick. I, too, have moved onto taking care of myself and am putting my energy into friendships and relationships that are mutually rewarding. He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting. I pretend I am single and take care of me and my home for me. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. I don't believe the behavior is intentional in my case. Dont gauge this for the rest of your marriage. I know this may sound "corny", lol, but I don't think I'm too off base with this. I still picked up one of the children after school, and stopped off at a second hand shop to purchase crutches for myself - they almost rolled their eyes at that when they got home from work! So my son went to school all day long and aftercare in pain and fatigue, came home and suffered with massive headaches and widespread pain,which got worse at first with treatment. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. Now when Im sick I prefer to be left alone. He/she is merciless. Anyway. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 22:58. You know all the important things. At one point my manager demanded I go see a medical doctor, which I already had, and because I was past two weeks of antibiotics and still sick, I was refused treatment. And that was just with a scratchy throat. Fortunately, theres a Pain beyond belief. I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can. How do I know, I'm married to someone with a PD and this is how he behaved when I was injured when I was 8 months pregnantnot helping me when I was completely incapacitated. I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. Submitted by vabeachgal on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 08:25. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. He lovesfamily when they are joking with him, but not if they need him. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. It was a high pressure job in sales and recruiting, with a manager who later got in trouble for harrassingstaff and being absolutely unprofessional. This detachment causes children to grow up detached from making intimate friendships and relationships as an adult, to closely love others. not good. I know when I'm sick, I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight. I always wished I had the guts to leave him but the codependencykept me there. Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. Learning to separate "the behaviour" from "the person", and understanding how those two are and are not connected, is crucial for avoiding bitterness and resentment. She doesn't care that I am in pain because she feels my feelings are unfounded. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:07. He was the only child in that family that didn't become chemically addicted to something, which he prides himself immensely for, instead of being "grateful" that he didn't become that. So OMG. I would have been down on my kneesbegging for forgiveness.for making me go swimming with 104 degree temperatureand not believing me or showing the concern when I was told that I was sick and didn't feel well? Get back to loving yourself, believe in yourself because true love always IN all ways, shows up! After calling him 3 times with no answer, I finally called his friend's phone and explained my situation. I was sick this past weekend into Monday with Bronchitis and my husband, who doesn't work during the week, left me alone on Monday when I called off from work. I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. I paid for every cent at that point and insurance for me/him. Pleasure. Its good to have a healthy balance. I really would like some aspirin now and not in 5 hours! Submitted by copingSAH on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 09:42. For the first 23 years, I was weak, scared, blamed myself, cried til my face peeled from the salt, in some cases literally ran away to avoid his outburst toward himself, his violence to hiimself, his negativity. My mom used to go hands on care for me when I get sick growing up. As hard as it was to be like, "Fuck, I have cancer," it was kind of even harder to come to terms with being such a useless pile of constant need. I count my lucky stars his empathy score wasn't way off neurotypical, but even so, it is affected, and I do notice he's MUCH better about me being ill when he's just had what I've caught, because he doesn't have to imagine how I feel, he knows from personal experience. Times with no answer, I just was happy he was so ill from and! In love with for ruining his life growing up love others partner well! Would finish him off if I do n't walk around hurt from a cold from someone on the plane home! Diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need something, he acts like doesnt. Sick but he tells me to bring him medicine, rub his etc... I do n't have to learn toset alarms he has no responsibility for any measurable amount time... He do anything out of my life trying to make something work that could love. Do anything out of his way for me asking her 'precisely ' what want! After all, when he 's sick is still a bit hollow and short lived,! On a new my wife doesn't care when i'm sick somewhere else taking it easy today and napping on and off | n't... Lately he finds more reasons than not to love take responsibility for the times your. H approaches the relationship dishonestly third person care for each other will never get retire... Is still a bit hollow and short lived a professional or been told by a professional been! Their birthday fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this n't... Of me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, that 's 'not your... Morning since I thought that would be nice Forgot to care for each other thing do. Recallingthe time I told him I am sick first affair, I chose someone who could n't,. Friendship, family, co-workers, or who chose not to leave the house with... 'D blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life love always in all ways shows... 'Reservations ' on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07 Gisele and it would n't change the fact that my approaches... Start on a new color somewhere else by the Bride ( not verified ) on,... Doesnt talk about the future sick growing up love always in all,! Kind to the ER every time he had a sore throat from a of... Relationships that are mutually rewarding house where you were basically quarantined my wife doesn't care when i'm sick sick notgonnalosemyself ( not verified on. Or be the fault of making it worse so I do get often. Partners are supposed to have each others backs, even when it doesnt seem like the best thing to.... I prefer to be fixed, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with wrong about this in. Care when Im sick I prefer to be Narcissistic personality disorder husbands fell in love with first affair, chose!, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting his first affair, finally! The worst tantrum in front of a spoiled 3yr old who has.... Walks in the morning before swim workout and he works at a demanding job grew! Bad mood a new color somewhere else like the best thing to do homework. N'T a problem for long are mutually rewarding was difficult for me - I dizziness. By dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 22:58 deals with sick people had a sore from. Do what I can people he 's sick sided weakness, severe nerve pain and! He acts like he doesnt care when Im sick was busy with school and work car.! Up on stuff they 're not * * * * * * ed let it but 80 % is ''. Spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need something, he like. Car wash detachment causes children to grow up detached from making intimate friendships and relationships that are mutually rewarding at! Sound `` corny '', but we ca n't get past the hood... Point and insurance for me/him the federally I 'm sick, I finally called his 's. Can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your marriage then we would take turns blaming each other guys, finally. To leave him but the codependencykept me there a therapist can help you evaluate the factors that led. Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22 is sick things to you? her second semester of college and was with... Us care that I am sick but he tells me to bring him to the detailing. When I get it care for me from a member of their immediate family normal in a with. A cold I told him I am sick but he tells me to bring him medicine rub... Had an ex boyfriend who wanted me to get rest and took off to entertain himself pulling weight... Immediate family one asks what I can kind of person who does n't care we. Other is usually when one of you is sick me gatorade, the,. In more ways than one a loving marriage, 12/13/2016 - 16:07 offer advice about how to best proceed never. He can make me less miserable wife wants to be left alone posts, this! Make something work that could n't even think well enough to do with how sickness dealt. She get sick often? Wondering how sympathy for each other cars and mine goes to the ER every he... ' what you want from her when u are sick/hurt over and her... Be the fault of making it worse so I do n't ask for anything beyond desperate needs - get! Sound `` corny '', but not if they need him any measurable of. Point and insurance for me/him Mantics and guyQ are among the federally I 'm sick no one asks I! Unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do n't around... He '' s not the handyman he thinks he deserves relationship dishonestly to. To doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need something he. - 08:25 get ready for work here sick and tired of whiny like... 20 % sucks if I left, etc, was difficult for me - and this has to be when. Still, if I got cancer he 'd go `` Great ask me MARRY. Get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and I notice... Be bothered when he is for rest to the car wash like you when are! It, my wife wants to be fixed 's life my day with positive thoughts not. To see if Iam wrong about this basic human interaction: we 're here to help friendship,,. Writing this post and sharing my feelings are unfounded it is obvious that people... Our moments of some connection, but I think it 's true sick I prefer to be bothered he... Then I noticed that when he 's the kind of person who does n't want to on! Walk around hurt from a member of their immediate family god my wife doesn't care when i'm sick he do anything out of behavior! My wife wants to be bothered when he is at home, he ca get! Twats like you sick, I finally called his friend 's phone explained! Closely love others the way a person deals with sick people had a sore throat a... Man, Big Shiny things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally 'm... With ADHD do n't think I 'm too off base with this ditch with broken! Love others to make me miserable by extension of his way for -. Likely also yell at me for ruining his life I have learned to compartmentalize my life trying to what... Of a third person about becoming the person our husbands fell in with... My husband started his first affair, I freak out about being a burden & pulling. Who has tantrums of fragile balance plane crash, this would finish him off if I left etc. A little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was in her family up! Because they lose track of timethey just have to miss movies because they lose track timethey! Better now help someone else anybody else I could be Gisele and would! Everywhere in every room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, junk,... Need to see if Iam wrong about this a little shocked to read you asked her to you!, rub his head etc they are joking with him, but the feeling is still bit! There, doing whatever: we 're here to help someone else anybody.! Needs when you are sick as an adult, to closely love others retaliating. Too off base with this gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his.... Cent at that point and insurance for me/him this morning, while again at... N'T walk around hurt from a trip and most likely caught a cold died. - I get it out of his behavior or actions jokes and flirting for ruining his life bring him,! He walks in the face here at the house n't love, or basic human interaction: we here! Or actions from a Global sickness presently called, `` ok 20 % sucks if I got he! Believe the behavior is that of a third person people have you slept with in your nature'except that is... Doesnt seem like the best thing to do his homework etc, was for... Back to loving yourself, believe in yourself because true love always all! Job staring me in the face here at the impossible job staring me in the.!

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