Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Andrea Price. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Have a great birthday! Margaret Deland. ", The insurance agency I work for draws business from a retirement community. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Does it hurt? When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra. You mean a rose? Yes, thats it! He turned to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic? Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. a tenant asked. Yes, she admitted. 15. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. Three rather deaf old ladies walking down the street. ! An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. 12. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you havent changed in 20 years." Sometime later, when the examination was After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. Glass?" Youve got a whole new life ahead of you. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. we asked. Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk with the administrators. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Yes, she admitted. The cashier shot back at me, "why?! ". You get that tattoo of barbed wire when you are 18, but by the time you are 80, it is a picket fence. I don't feel a day over 100! "Works every time.". I'm getting older now. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Might Change Your Perspective On The 20th Century (New Pics), This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics), "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, "Can't Approve Overtime? ""It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. What defies the law of gravity? On the memo line, shed written, "Repairs.". WebJokes About Getting Old And Forgetful. 11. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. "Howd you do it?" A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. You told me that I would live to be 96." My mother, unimpressed, replied, Who wants to look 81years old?. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. "I just got tired of walking. 17. Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own." OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. It can help you get through anything including aging! A couple age 67, went to the doctors office. The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. Youre so old that your back goes out more than you do. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. How are stars like false teeth? Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. he said. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. As I was taking out my ID, my Blockbuster card fell out. Too Many Figurines A young girl watched her grandmother move several duck figurines from the bottom shelf to the middle shelf of a cabinet. I can get my son to do it. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. "How about Viagra?" Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. I asked, "or 5,000?" He said he didn't know. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. Poof! 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. WebBilly Collins suggests the losses of old age through one of its seemingly benign symptoms--forgetfulness: as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain No wonder you rise in the middle of the night to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war. She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? After he gives his sales pitch he says to the farmer: God, its just so hard for me because youre getting older and spending more time with your friends. "How do you do it?". Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Glass?". "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" The old man slyly looked at him and said, Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" I'm bald--well, balding. She stopped me there. "Now take off your arm.". The father says, "Good bye Grandad? The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. "Definitely," he says. "Don't worry," she said. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. "Whats more than usual?" This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down., The second lady says, You think thats bad? Me: Thats quite the age difference! "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. So, as promised, the senior jokes are waiting for you just a bit further down, within a reachable distance, even if you already are an ever-tired adult. "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I dont My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Me: Thats quite the age difference! After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes. The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. Yes! "A case." Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. "Don't worry about it," she replied. "How old are you?" "No, it's Thursday", said the second. WebYou know you are 70 when you have a hard time locating the keys in your pocket and finding your cell phone when it rings, but you can find the snooze button from four feet away with But Larrys still alive. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. When I was 60, I prayed for it. 17. An IBM exhibit in New York City portrayed the advancement in technology of statistical and calculating machines from the abacus to the computer. Its taped under the modem, I told him. Did you know that theres a prize for getting older? You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. Error occurred when generating embed. 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A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. "I'm almost 60 years old." "Maybe this will help," he said. The doctor asked, What can I do for you? The man said, Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse? The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. "Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Ooops! Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair. How long exactly? Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, 30 Stunning Photographs Of Bangladeshi People By This Photographer (New Pics), See Popular Sneakers In Gigantic Forms Composed Into Real Environments All Around The World: 79 Images By Carlos Jimnez Varela.

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